Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
