turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
