After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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