i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just found puke in my bra..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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