It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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