still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
wow bdsm is so cute
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
