I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
