Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
ttyl tear gas
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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