You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
