well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Randomize
