I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
