I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
