when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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