I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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