I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Terrible idea I love it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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