so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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