i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
