I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
