Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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