one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
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is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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