is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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