just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
