I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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