Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
