drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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