Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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