the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
