he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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