what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
