Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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