oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
40s are totally the cure
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
