Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
