Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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