Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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