Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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