Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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