Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
