I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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