Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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