Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
