ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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