On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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