i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
