so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
