..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
