I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
