you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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