Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
