It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
