That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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