Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
