moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How's work?
Spinning.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
