I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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