Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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