I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
