I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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