best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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