im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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