my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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