she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
