My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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