i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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