Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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