I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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