Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
