You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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