So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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