VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
