eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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