if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
