1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
